Sacrificing the Gift

Anyone who's ever talked running with me probably knows that I don't care for Steve Prefontaine and his legacy - wait, what did he accomplish again?  He was before my time, he didn't do anything spectacular (not really his fault, since he didn't get much of a chance), and he talked a big game that he didn't manage to back up (hmm, sounds like someone I know well).  My running-centric friends also know that I'm opposed to drawing inspiration from famous quotes - if you can be driven to reach your goals by someone you've never even met, you're either easily manipulated or you need harder goals.

That said, sometimes my brain needs realignment.  Occasionally, we all need a story or an idea (or even a quote, as much as I hate that) to reach out and go upside our heads, a gentle but firm reminder that we're wandering off the path without realizing it.

People that know me know I'm a voracious reader when I have the time.  Books, science articles, blogs, anything I get my hands on that is of interest.  Daily, I stop by to visit 3 or 4 running blogs and a couple of websites that are running-focused, just to see if there is any news in the world of running and to see how some of my favorite fellow runners are doing.  One of these sites is called Competitor, and is a collection of articles and excellent blog links about running.  Today featured this article by Matt Fitzgerald about Dathan Ritzenhein, a runner who's career I've followed off and on for a while - mainly because he's always injured.  I've also got friends who are hurt, dealing with bad injuries and long layoffs preventing them from running.  I look out the window and think, "Geez it's cold, I wish I didn't have to run today", but I've got a friend in Canada who is looking out her window where it is much colder saying, "I really wish I could go out for a run today".  It's easy to spout about "living in the moment" and being "thankful for what you've got", but it is very hard to actually do these things all day, every day.  It's also hard once you slide into the habit of taking things for granted to break that habit.  Mr. Ritzenhein is a professional, running is his livelihood.  My Canadian friend is going stir crazy for want of a weekend long run.  There's an elderly gentleman (be proud of me, I didn't call him an "old guy") with one arm who lives up the road from me, who likes to walk when the weather is nice.  Once day last summer he said to me, "I wish I could go running".  Even the thought of that still makes me sad, and a little uncomfortable (and even a little ashamed when I think about days I took off because I WANTED a day off rather than NEEDED a day off).  Sometimes we need God, or the universe, or Karma, or whatever it is you believe in, to reach down and not so gently cuff us on the side of the head and let us know we're losing sight of something.

I've been running for 14 years now, and I've got exactly 1 DNF on my record.  Only one, and until this morning I was pretty proud of that - I caught myself reminiscing about it when reading the latest installment of Adharanand Finn's Running with the Kenyans (for the whole series, click his name in the article and it'll take you to all of his articles).  But is dropping out of a race really so much worse than skipping a workout when you don't need to?  Anyone can have a bad day and need to stop, but is there any real excuse for not starting?  What about when you know that there are others who are burning to be out there, who are struggling with a empty part of their life that can only be filled by lacing up their sneakers and hitting the road, or the "usta-runs" and "never-dids" who are now lamenting an opportunity that has long passed them by...

I've struggled with motivation lately.  I've been trying to find my muse, my reason for training outside of just a desire for results - desire is great, but it doesn't lace up sneakers.  I'm there.  I've found it.  I was a training warrior once, and I can feel it, something in me that was missing has returned.  It's time to get to work.


Long post, maybe I should talk about my training for a minute in this training blog before I sign off?  I didn't run Thursday, and told myself that it was because of the weather and not feeling well - I think we all know after this post that I was lying to myself.  I moved my tempo work to Friday, and did 2x1.5 miles at around a 7:24/mile pace - right where I wanted, and I really did need to cut back the distance on those a little.  I finally did squats and dead lifts that night, and was sore on Saturday - a legitimate day off because the leg soreness was causing my stride to be funny, and the wind was gusting about 25 mph that day anyhow.  I skipped Sunday claiming the same reason, although really I was being lazy.  Easy 5 yesterday, with a 4 mile tempo run coming tonight, looking for around a 7:40 pace, but I'd be happy with a 7:50-8:00 in this weather.